A jovial gentleman entered the new local sandwich shop at the recommendation of a friend.  He was immediately impressed by the nametag of the worker behind the counter, which read “Sandwich Expert.”  This already seemed to be an upgrade over the mere Sandwich Artists of Subway…good start!

“The menu looks delicious!”  the man exclaimed.  “But admittedly, I’m a little overwhelmed!” 

“Just go with the Number 5…that works for everyone,” the Sandwich Expert curtly stated.  “The Number 5 has more positive data than any other sandwich in the history of sandwiches, and pretty much everyone should be eating it all the time.”

“I don’t know…” the customer nervously stammered.  “I’ve heard that the Number 5 can cause upset stomachs, acid reflux, muscle pain, and dementia.  And I heard that Jeffrey Epstein liked a similar sandwich…”

“Nonsense!  I’m the Sandwich Expert here!  Given your Hunger Score is 300, you are at VERY high-risk of starving!  Order the Number 5!”

Taken aback, the gentleman said, “Ok…but can I get the Number 5 without mayo?  I have a soy allergy.”

Rolling his eyes, the Sandwich Expert snorted, “Haven’t you read the SAMSOY trial?  Most of the people who reported a soy allergy in that study were actually able to eat mayonnaise WITHOUT ANY SIDE EFFECTS.  Your soy allergy is all in your head, and mayo is delicious.”

This seemed halfway convincing, but the gentleman was still a little uneasy. “One last question…my Aunt Marion said that the unsaturated bonds in the mayo are more likely to be oxidized…is there any truth to that?”

Waving his hands dismissively, the Sandwich Expert said, “The next person is in line.  Here’s your Number 5.  Eat it or else you’re going to die.”

His head spinning, the gentleman walked out the door with his sandwich and a receipt.  The receipt had some weird letters and numbers on it, including Z91.19.  “Maybe that’s some sort of code,” he thought. After a few bites of the sandwich, which was somewhat underwhelming, he broke out in hives all over his body.

An hour later, the man was observed eating a bunless hotdog with ONLY a light drizzle of ketchup and mustard.  The Number 5 had been discarded in a garbage bin near the sandwich shop. 

What happened next?  The gentleman probably died or something…there’s no way a single hot dog could have solved his ravenous hunger.  If only he had listened to the Sandwich Expert…