Sometimes when a new set of Cholesterol Guidelines is released, you have to parody an iconic Coolio song and put the roughly 948 pages of the document into a more digestible hip-hop format. And rumor has it there is a live performance of this out there somewhere…who knows? But below are the lyrics:
Guidelines Paradise featuring L.P. Lil’ Jay
The New Lipid Guidelines sit right here on my desk
And as I start to read, I take a giant breath
Cuz I’ve been preaching this stuff for so long I
Don’t think I can take it if they get this one wrong
They’ve decided risk extends beyond just year 10
PCE is in the trash and now they’re lauding PREVENT, fool
So now you can use another risk score
Or maybe use a CAC to say a patient needs more
So Friedewald is out and Martin-Hopkins is in
But not checking ApoB is really a sin
And make sure you get an Lp(a) at least one time
And to calculate non-HDL don’t even cost a dime
Chorus:
We’ve been spending most our lives
Using old Cholesterol Guidelines
Exposure over time
In these new Cholesterol Guidelines
Target less than 55
In these new Cholesterol Guidelines
Your prior auth might work this time
With the new Cholesterol Guidelines
Verse 2
My patient says statins made his muscles weak
But we’ve got other ways to reduce his ApoB
Even if he’s high risk I think he’ll be fine
Cuz we’ve got even more tools beyond ezetimibe
And it’s more than just lipids when talking risk
Inflammation and South Asian are on the list, fool
CKM and gestation and UACR
You gotta use your brain to really save the heart
CLEAR-OUTCOMES, FOURIER, ESSENCE and PREVENT
We’ve got data and the tools to not have an event
And with FH or PAD or if your CAC’s 300
Don’t wait to get worse, just DO SOMETHIN’
Pre-chorus
Primordial prevention, even kids have fatty streaks
Should we just mix some Lipitor in with your fruit smoothie?
Chorus
We’ve been spending most our lives
Using old Cholesterol Guidelines
Exposure over time
In these new Cholesterol Guidelines
Target less than 55
In these new Cholesterol Guidelines
Your prior auth might work this time
With the new Cholesterol Guidelines
Verse 3
Think you’re pretty fit, maybe you’re a runner
Get your CAC of zero, in 5 years get another
But if when you’re bleeding it kinda looks like butter
Take a medication, then probably add another
A1c and CKD and all the risk enhancers
Understand it, know your numbers, then you got a chance
To never ever have a stroke or heart attack
What the LDL you waitin’ for? And go get a CAC
Final Chorus
Let’s all shift the paradigm
With the new Cholesterol Guidelines
Like Lizzo said, it’s about time
That we got some new lipid guidelines
Don’t worry ‘bout Jeffrey Epstein
Just read the new Cholesterol Guidelines
Will insurance ever realize
We’ve got new Cholesterol Guidelines?
