As many of you know, I’ve been blessed to have had a multitude of scholastic opportunities…which have resulted in the accrual of an obnoxiously hilarious swath of credentials. This hodgepodge of letters mainly provides ample substrate for jokes about my lack of real-life usefulness.  But yesterday, I “earned” a new credential that arguably usurps any of my previous titles, and I didn’t even have to take out a Student Loan to receive this honor.

EXECUTIVE MEMBER at Costco!

Am I “better” than mere Gold Star Members?  I wouldn’t go that far…although if I feel like buying 6 tubs of cottage cheese an hour before the peasants are permitted entry, I can do just that!

And what if the kids at the early church service run out of Play-Doh?  No big deal…as an Executive Member, I can now, before “normal” opening hours, buy some of those Kirkland Protein Bars to salvage the situation.  They’re certainly not edible, but I’m pretty sure they’re made of the same stuff as Play-Doh, and if you microwave them for a few seconds you can creatively sculpt to your heart’s content.   

And next time Sample Lady Martha gives me the stink-eye when I take two samples of Dino Chicken Nuggets, I now fully intend on flashing my Executive Member card and taking THREE nuggets instead of skulking away meekly towards the warmth of the Rotisserie chickens.  That was $130 ago…that was Gold Star Josh…I’m not that guy anymore. Not now, not ever again.