“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”
–Preamble to Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest Rulebook the Declaration of Independence
As we celebrate 250 years of the American Experiment, we marinate in the freedom to “pursue happiness.” And although a cynic would decry Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest as a microcosm of the nation’s Obesity Epidemic, I would say it’s actually a hilarious example of the right to enjoy the Creator’s common graces.
We are free to indulge in cryptically carcinogenic combinations of entrail-encased mystery meats, and then cloister our cylindrical sausages in refined starch vessels. And then we can even cloak them with condiments like ketchup, mustard, relish…and even mayonnaise (which is controversially referred to as “White Privilege” by some sociologists). And in America, you even have liberty to eat “plant-based” hot dogs made with something called seitan, which is ironically pronounced “Satan.” Purists would say that’s no coincidence, but the ingredients in a “real” hot dog are similarly Mephistophelian, if we’re being completely honest.
Furthermore, we are free to compete. We are free to challenge ourselves. And if you happen to fuse your competitive drive with your affection for bratwursts, you might find yourself in a Hot Dog Eating Contest. You might, like the legendary Takeru Kobayashi, employ the “Solomon Method” as you wolf down wieners. Those with Appetites for Destruction may choose the “Buns and Roses” technique. And the brazen iconoclasts might prefer the “Carlene Pop,” although the tried-and-true “Dunking” approach is timeless for both amateurs and veterans. (These are all actual strategies used in professional Hot Dog Eating Contests…look it up)!
But ultimately, while many people throughout the world live in constant fear, perpetual hunger, and incessant uncertainty, we live in a country where we can pontificate about condiments, sausages, and whether or not Hot Dog Eating is a real sport. And I think we take so many of our blessings for granted.
Even the staunchest sausage supporters are unlikely to stake a claim that hot dogs are the perfect food. And even the most ardent of patriots can recognize that America has some problems. But 250 years into this thing, I still believe that, along with life and liberty, comedy, competition, condiments (except for mayonnaise) and the simultaneous pursuit of hot dogs and happiness are symbolic of what makes the United States of America the Greatest Country on Earth.
Happy 4th of July!
Zechariah 14:9
