A sweaty kid with a mullet and a dodgeball pranced up to me, wagging his finger condescendingly. “Haha! You lost! I won!” he exulted.

Confused, I quizzically raised one eyebrow and asked, “How could I have lost if I wasn’t even playing?” (On a side note, I am a Holy Terror in Dodgeball and losing is not an option).

Ignoring my retort, he said, “Oh man, it wasn’t even close! I got you SO GOOD! But you can have a rematch. But you have to play by MY RULES!”

And then he proceeded to delineate his Rules of Dodgeball, which included:

-I wasn’t allowed to throw balls at him.

-I wasn’t allowed to run more than 5 feet in either direction.

-If a ball was headed my direction, I wasn’t allowed to catch the ball, jump over the ball, or dodge the ball.

Although this sounded “fun,” I politely declined the “rematch.”

“Loser!” the punk kid yelled, and ran off with his ball to annoy someone else.

Later that day, he would create a certificate reading, “DODGEBALL CHAMPION OF THE WORLD.” His mom has also placed an order for a trophy and a commemorative t-shirt with future plans for additional memorabilia as his legend grows.

Strangely, the competent Dodgeball players refuse to play with this kid. One kid actually played with him, but he “cheated” by nailing the kid in the stomach and was disqualified per Mr. Mullet’s Rulebook. The kid’s only current “fans” are his younger brothers because he threatened to take their Legos away if they didn’t celebrate his self-proclaimed prowess.

The future is bright…he has already been targeted as an eventual Social Media Influencer and ChatGPT is helping him minimize spelling errors with his brand-new X account.

Matthew 23:2-7