Around the turn of the century, my family and I walked in the front door of our house after a Baseball Tournament…and we all nearly died after being sucker-punched by the most pugilistically pungent aroma in all of world history.

Convinced that there was a rotting raccoon or decomposing duck underneath the house, my Dad donned his headlamp and gasmask and searched the subterranean space.  He found a few black widows, several centipedes, and some baseballs, but no festering ferrets or feces that would explain the stench.  My courageous mother held her breath and searched inside the house while I cowered in the backyard.  Nothing!

Nothing, that is, until my Mom found the ROTTEN BROCCOLI that had been forgotten in the back of the refrigerator!  And that was a big day for me; it was the last time I would ever underestimate the power of expired cruciferous vegetables to launch local Bioterror attacks and force familial evacuations.  Better to just “play it safe” and never buy the stuff in the first place.

Well, history has a way of repeating itself, and I knew things were bad yesterday when, instead of trying to convince me to upgrade to the $89 car wash, the worker on duty at Metro Express Car Wash offered me a free air freshener. 

I figured the C. Diff Fart Dumpster smell was just some of my 18 pairs of running shoes, but after emptying out the contents of my car, we discovered a lunch box that some kid had thrown in my trunk a few days…or maybe weeks…or maybe months ago.  And in between the empty GoGo Squeez applesauce packets was UNEATEN NECROTIC MOLDY BROCCOLI.  I should’ve known!

So anyway, if you’re overdramatizing that rotten coworker’s asinine comments or festering about some other stinky thing in your life as if it’s a life-or-death matter, relax. It’s probably just rotten broccoli. Get it out of your system and you’ll feel (and life will smell) a lot better😊