It’s probably a ploy to get me to “Verify My Profile,” but LinkedIn just recently congratulated me on my 4-year Work-iversary at Amgen. (Most people just think I run around with kids and write stuff, but you can read THIS to find out what I actually do in my “Day Job”). I love anniversaries, and each anniversary becomes an opportunity for introspection and reflection. In this case, it made me think about some of the other jobs I’ve had over the years.
My first job was as a Lifeguard at Roaring Springs Waterpark. Equipped with my trusty whistle and natty fanny pack, my job was to keep vigil at various aquatic attractions throughout the facility. At that time, I was also under the delusion that, with my frosted tips and Oakley sunglasses, I was actually the main attraction at each slide. Later on, I would discover that most ladies prefer men who, regardless of their abdominal musculature, make more than $6 per hour.
A few years later, I became a Door to Door Pest Control Salesman for about 2 weeks. A few of my friends had been missionaries for the Mormon church, so they were well-accustomed to knocking on people’s doors while wearing slacks. Since they had been experiencing rousing successes, they encouraged me to give it a shot.
So quickly, I weaved together a salacious and silver-tongued Sales Pitch that was capable of tantalizing even the most apathetic of homeowners. Previously uninterested potential clients were intrigued by the sounds of the microencapsulated synthetic organic pyrethroid product, and the passion and pathos dripping from my velvety verbiage blanketed the fact that no one, including myself, had any idea what those words meant. It’s all about the delivery, baby!
And inevitably, these folks would say, “Wow, Josh! I had no idea this incredible product even existed! And you’ve really opened my eyes to the hazards of various arthropods indigenous to Idaho. Do you really think I need it?”
And as I looked at the eaves of their stunning mansions, maybe I could fool myself into seeing a stray cobweb or spider…but practicality and honesty won the day over any potential monetization. And I couldn’t, with clear conscience, recommend that they spend thousands of dollars on superfluous termite repellent, even if it “sounded amazing.”
The homeowners appreciated my candor, and often they would invite me in to have dinner with the family or, at other times, coffee and waffles. I didn’t make a single sale, and the company fired me just before my 2-week anniversary.
Thankfully, I’m in a better spot now. I prescribed the products that I get to educate clinicians about long before I came to Amgen, and anyone who knows me at all can testify that I’m not a sycophantic shill. Helping practitioners better understand these scientific innovations so they can identify patients who can benefit is a little more rewarding than even the best waffles I had while “selling” Pest Control door to door. And even though my Roaring Springs Fanny Pack was pretty legit, the perks in the BioTech industry are just a little bit cooler as well.
Thanks for all the well wishes…I’m grateful and blessed😊
